Live it to the top!

Those we love

Never go away

They walk beside us everyday….

Unseen

Unheard

and Still near,

Still loved,

Still missed

And

Still very dear

This is one of those difficult times when i am just  sick and tired of things around me, it is one of those times when i want to close my eyes and believe that i am invisible, but the   truth of the matter is that i am not invisible and i have  to go through the daily rotuine no matter how sick and tired i am.

I do not like karachi  much, thats for sure, this statement might change within a few years but i pray that i shift back to islamabad with my husband because i don’t think that my feelings for this city are going to change at all. And if some patriotic karachite is reading my post then you got all the right to think of me as a dull and boring being who doesn’t  like the Roshnion ka Shehar, I am fed up of this Roshni.

I miss the  peaceful shakarparian wali road and that H-8 wali khamosh road, i miss the all the paths that lead from my home in I-8 to my university and i miss all those lovely times i had with my lovely classfellows and pals in Q.A.U and these days i dream alot of Q.A.U. I miss those fish in the stream and the kids from the nearby village.I miss standing at my terrace with a mug full of tea and watching the continuously falling rain, yahan tou barish hotee hee naee, i miss those long nights when i used to sit by my window side listening to my favourite music,reading some book and chattinh with friends, i am used to doing many things at a time i miss fighting with my  brother to take me out at night and have tea at the Shakarparian khoka or having cold coffee in extreme cold nights form Safilo. O gosh! got so mcuh to write and with such mix up of emotions,one coming after the other, i am unable to find the right words.

Going back to Isloo every two months is not the solution, so i have applied to Agha Khan University, (now this is an update for all those people asking me to give updates), I cleared the test,gave the interview and now waiting for the result.I need to get busy, do something other then,more precisely besides cooking for people,and carrying out the responsibilities of married life in a joint family,lols!

Yesterday, we went for Hi-tea in a 5-star and as i do not usually enjoy such formal places,i tried to add up a bit of Shughal, not tafreeh ( as the karachites are used to saying ),i showed my hand to a plamist and of all the things ( right or wrong) that he said, he said that i am a good planner and i said to myself, kabhee planning kee naee isee liy he thinks k  m a good planner

well, if anyone of you is feeling irritated with another of my random posts, let it  be hehe

Will be back soon InshaAllah

Ab Kahan Main Udas Rehti Hon

Abb Tu Harr Dard Ko Matanat Se

Apney Undder Utaar Laiti Hon

Apni Ziabaiye K Kareeney Se

Nat Naye Zawiyon Se Sajti Hon

Harr Naye Din Tumharey Chahrey Ko

Kitni Warftagi Se Takti Hoon

Harr Naye Shab Tumharey Lams K Saath

Kis Qadar Sadgi Se Jachti Hon

Aur Harr Kaifiyat Ki Shidat Per

Sirf Ahistagi Se Hunsti Hon

Tum Bhi Abb Khushgawar Rehtey Ho

Main Bhi Kab Pehley Jaisi Larki Hon

Aisa Lagta Hai Jaisay Abb Shaid

Apney Dil Mein Tumhari Marzi Ki

Koi Guriya Bana Ker Rakh Di Ho

Found this on someone’s blog and it just struck me,helped me to give words to my thoughts

Its been so long since i have been out of touch from my inside world and i actually have been waiting unintentionally for the environment around me to become calmer and peaceful,but i find this almost impossible to happen because everything has already changed into something which atleast would not have been my choice but then they say, one never gets to choose the way one wants to live so whats the use of all the nagging and complaining.

And its sort of my thanklessness as well that my thinking has taken such negative turns, and as a friend adviced me, Never get fed up of life, try to make it better no matter how worse the circumstances are.

So,  for the time being,i dnt know how to make myself feel at home in such Changed environment, i am taking some time out, going back to islamabad,may be when i get back i will be feeling better. Maybe, when i am back, i am a changed person too,suitable for a changed environment

Finally am connecting to myself through this page again,pata naee how much successful would i be in connecting to me cos these days Me seems like an unknown individual.

Itnay din baad type  kerney chalee hoon to  it feels as if i am unable to express myself, which things to write, which ones not to, which words to choose and which ones to ignore:OMG! m feeling a little bit strange, kia aisa hosakta hey k if you loose touch with something or someone or some place, so dear and near at times, you feel like a stranger in connecting again with the same someone, someplace.

Lets see, when i be back with something to write, for the moment itna hee kafee hey k m back, m alive

cheers!

She is sitting with her face settled on her knees, her hair is covering her face so that you are unable to see what expressions are there in her eyes, on her face.Shall i tell you?

Her heart is faithless and hopeless, her soul is restless within her body, all her dreams and wishes have stopped breathing and she still survives.Wouldn’t it be difficult for her to survive with a burnt heart,an empty self and a soul thats not willing to stay as a prisoner anymore.

Don’t try to touch her with your fake warmth, her body has turned into ice and so has her heart.For the time being atleast,as far as i know her,she is deaf, she can’t hear your voice,dn’t hum songs of life to her, your so called sweetness can’t be the antidote to the venom that has now travelled through her body:atleast not for the time being.

But, time has witnessed, she has to get up and move ahead,just like her great great grandma had to, just like her mother had to and just like her daugter will cos’ there would be no one to take away her alive but dead body,cos they think she doesn’t need the warmth of their hugs or the whispers of some sweet songs, they know its her transition between life and death,she has to cross this herself. No worries, she will do what her ancestors have been doing.She will come out of this alone.

Stop believing that she made it for the sake of your selfish love, she had no choice other than coming out of it and move to way.You were so right, you will leave her on her own, and she will fight her own battle, you believed in her so much, she didn’t let you down.  Did i just hear you mentioning Love? Think again!

To really love a woman
To understand her - you gotta know it deep inside
Hear every thought - see every dream
N’ give her wings - when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman you tell her
that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

To really love a woman
Let her hold you -
til ya know how she needs to be touched
You’ve gotta breathe her - really taste her
Til you can feel her in your blood
N’ when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
Ya know ya really love a woman

When you love a woman
you tell her that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
that you’ll always be together
So tell me have you ever really -
really really ever loved a woman?

You got to give her some faith - hold her tight
A little tenderness - gotta treat her right
She will be there for you, takin’ good care of you
Ya really gotta love your woman…

Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
Ya know ya really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she’s really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she’s the one
Cuz she needs somebody to tell her
that it’s gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman? You got to tell me
Just tell me have you ever really,
really, really, ever loved a woman?

(Bryan Adams—lyrics:www.seeklyrics.com)

No man is able to understand her and love her, and thats what the reality actually is.Tearing off the things she had wrapped in her love and emotions was such pain for me, what it could have been for her.

 You men!I feel pitty for you, LOOSERS!

Life is music, life is spring and from dawn to dusk and dusk to dawn its a sequel of  events,of emotional highs and lows,of thrills and risks,of frowns and laughters.Its so satisfying at times na to feel that you are Alive and not only Alive but Alive and Rocking.